I’m 24. It’s not something I proud of, and if I had to turn back time, I wouldn’t have done it, but what can I say…you live and you learn. With that said, I thought it would be an appropriate time to get deep for all my negroes, non-negroes, and quasi-negroes, and do a Buzzfeed type list of stuff you should have done and now can’t because you are old and dusty, or can do because you are younger than 24. Congratulations if you’re in the latter category. Enjoy it. It will disappear faster than a black girls hairline after a bad weave. If like me, you are either 24 or past 24, then see how many of these things you can do in the next 24 hours. Bam.
1) Find yourself.
I’ll just leave that one as an ambiguous intro.
2) Half learn to play an instrument.
You can defo do this in the next 24 hours. I wrote a song on my Ukelele like a day after I got it. 3 chords and a whole lot of cruddy lyricism. Souljah Boy would be proud.
3) Eat something you were mildly allergic to when you were little to check if you are still allergic to it.
I just feel like this is important – there’s a whole world of peanuts you’re potentially missing out on.
4)Run from the bathroom to your bedroom naked.
I can’t believe there are people out there who haven’t done this, but if not, try it – it’s liberating. Just don’t do it when you know your opposite sex family members are lurking around, that will be awkward.
5) Fast for 24 hours.
If you’re not religious, this might seem like a very weird and foreign concept to you, but seriously, I encourage it. It helps you focus on the things that are important, and it teaches empathy.
6) Make a list of 24 books to read and read them.
I have so many half finished books it’s unreal. Which is no doubt also why I have have half formed arguments and opinions on a bunch of stuff. Currently I am half way through..the Bible, The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf, Ain’t I a Woman by Bell Hooks, Imitation of Christ by Thomas Kempis (which I haven’t picked up in 3 months) and a bunch of other stuff.
7) Eat a whole tray of macaroni cheese and vomit all over your family members.
I’ve done this. This is what happens when you bring your child up vegan – they go gaga for cheese, and it ain’t pretty.
8) Be a member of a girl group or boy band.
I have done this on several occasions (not the boy band). In fact, if you’re black and Christian and can sing, at some point you will have been part of a group. You thought you were the gospel version of Destiny’s Child without the blonde weaves right? But all you did was sing 2 songs that one time at that one church concert.
9) Ask for a discount somewhere where it socially unacceptable to ask for a discount.
My Dad has done this in Harrods on more than one occasion. During the sale. Which is the only time normal people can afford to buy things from Harrods. It’s embarrassing as hot Hades, but it often works – they’re so embarrassed they can’t say no. Hint: Usually only works on big household items. Also being middle aged and Jamaican makes it even more awkward for some reason.
10) Go on an online date.
I love sitting in a restaurant with a bunch of friends and guessing the couples that are on an awkward online date, it’s hilarious. So don’t do it for yourself, do it as a service to humanity. I haven’t done this because my boyfriend won’t let me. You’re now trying to work out whether I’m joking or not. I’m not. Ok, I am. But about the boyfriend or the online date? Who knows.
11) Twerk in the mirror.
Because regardless of these neo-feminist theories, it’s just not acceptable to do that in public. If you have done it in public, do it in the mirror and hopefully you’ll be embarrassed enough to not do it again in public.
12) Read part 2 of this blog.
YOLO! I mean..PROMO!…as in self promotion. Am I the only one that got that? Yah. Ok, Bye.