Supermarket etiquette 101


Dear humanity,

Once again you have left me and your respective mothers disappointed and disgruntled with your distinct inability to behave appropriately. Supermarket shopping is, in fact, a highly precise and demanding operation and your various misdemeanours are making life difficult for the few of us who have managed to hone this skill.

Pens at the ready please.

1) Aisle 3 is not the set of Loose Women.

Please have your little gossip session in the car park, or preferably outside of the boundaries of Asda. This aisle ain’t big enough for the three of us.

2) Handle your minions.

Maybe supermarkets, like theme parks, should have a height limit. If your child can’t see a packet of Cheerios without dramatically throwing themselves to the floor and summoning the forces of hell, then perhaps a babysitter is an investment you can consider.

3) It’s a trolley, not a truck.

Ma’am, you are moving slowly, very slowly, so incredibly slowly. The tortoise may have won the race, but if I was there, he would have been run over.

4) Nope, this isn’t Debenhams. Nope, that’s not a tester.

I had the pleasure recently of buying a smoothie that I’m now almost 64% sure someone else had opened and swigged from prior to me purchasing. I understand times are hard, but if you can’t afford smoothies, you need to buy some squash and keep it moving.

5) It’s ok to text in the gluten, dairy free section.

Most aisles are busy. The free-from-everything-that-makes-food-taste-good aisle is relatively quiet. Feel free to relax for a second and text your boyfriend/compadre/therapist.

6) Make your decisions prior to the checkout.

It’s called a checkout. So that you can check out..of the supermarket. Not so that you can check out everything that you’ve picked up along the way to decide if you still possibly want it and maybe Billy actually likes Heinz baked beans so I will just go and get a can  of beans sorry can you just wait a second and is there someone who can just get me a dragonfruit sorry to be a hassle thank you. It’s just a check out mate. Check. Then. Out.

7) Smile at the cashier 🙂 🙂

I’m sure there are some cashiers who like their job, but I’m also equally sure that after a few hours at the till, there a fair few who don’t. Try and smile (and give them the courtesy of not talking on the phone…I do this sometimes, but I am trying to stop). They might even help you with the bagging!

8) Just put the trolley back in the trolley thing. Put it back.

Come on dude….just put it back. Ok? Please.

What are your supermarket pet peeves?

(sidenote: I’m a hypocrite, I’ve done all of these things at some point but I still hate when anyone else does them)

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