If I had a penny for every self proclaimed nice guy who told me that nice guys finish last, I’d be able to pay for my holiday to Jamaica. Well, maybe not quite, but I’d at least be able to buy a Kit Kat and get a break from this erroneous theory.
There are two types of men who say this. 1) Genuinely nice guys who have been hurt or overlooked in the past. 2) Saps.
The dictionary definition of sap is “the fluid which circulates in the vascular system of a plant, consisting chiefly of water with dissolved sugars and mineral salts.”. So basically a whole mess of soppy wetness and whatnot. The second definition, the verb is “to gradually weaken or destroy (a person’s strength or power).”. So my definition of a sap is a man who is a whole mess of soppy wetness that will eventually destroy or weaken your power. Or maybe you prefer the urban dictionary definition, a socially awkward penguin.
Do not confuse this with sensitivity. Oh no, Mr Thenthitivity, this does not necessarily include you. Crying in the closing scenes of Lion King, because Simba has finally managed to live up to Mufasa’s expectations, does not make you a sap. Granted, it might make you a non-conventional male, but not a sap. So don’t throw away your Kleenex too quickly.
The difference between saps and nice guys is the constant self flagellation and emotional manipulation that characterises sappy men. Saps are the guys who stay in the friend zone forever because they are just so nice and sweet and marshmellowy (in their eyes), and their female friend is just intent on flinging herself at these alpha male type men who twerk all over her poor little heart. They then simmer in their corner, annoyed that their friend has allowed them to be the shoulder to cry on, the lift to pick her up, the all forms of DIY man to put together her IKEA bed. But essentially, they had no intention of being this woman’s actual friend. What they wanted was a relationship, but they never state their intentions and then mooch and whine and make women feel bad about this. When their intentions aren’t reciprocated they get angry, because they feel like women owe them something for being ‘nice’. No. If a woman thought you were her friend, she doesn’t owe you a relationship because you were actually a decent friend and not a complete toilet. (And I’m not talking about women who intentionally string men along for attention, so don’t misconstrue that one..)
Nice guys on the other hand, may actually stay in the friend zone for a while. A long while. But eventually they pluck up the courage to make their intentions clear, or rarely (and in my opinion not ideally), the woman gets them to ‘clarify’ their status. When their affections aren’t reciprocated, they don’t emotionally blackmail said woman, they thank them for their time and extricate themselves from the situation for the necessary time period, or suck it up and continue to be a good friend. Or, in many situations, they go on to have happy stable relationships with said women. Why? Because they are genuinely nice, and not using their ‘niceness’ as a form of ‘game’ to manipulate people.
Essentially men often confuse ‘niceness’ for emotional weakness and a distinct inability to have the slightest bit of spine. These are not the same things, You can be kind, generous, sweet AND masculine. Being nice doesn’t mean letting people walk all over you. If you know that you have an issue with that, then own it and work on it. But don’t blame everyone else for not being attracted to that particular characteristic. Like, I don’t think Jesus was a sap. But he was very nice I’m told.
There are the nice guys with bouts of sappiness, who go through a phase of deciding they aren’t going to be ‘nice’ anymore because they’re 20, and *some* 20 year old women seem to like bad boys. These guys are hurting, and it’s understandable – lack of maturity does mean that some younger women over look genuine nice guys in favour of a guy with ‘swag’. What usually happens though, is that as everyone gets older the actual nice guys come to the forefront. Women realise that Tim, with his lack of employment, multiple females, and lack of progress on the property ladder, is actually not a viable option for a lifelong partner. Then it’s the turn of the nice guys.
So folks, do nice guys finish last? Or do you agree that it’s really just saps who finish last?