Metrosexual? Thanks, but no thanks.


The world of fashion is a world that manages to be part of our everyday lives, but at the same time, strangely far removed. I like dressing up as much as the next person, but on the occasional moment I open a copy of Vogue I find myself looking in bafflement at the clothes on display. “Why does she have forest on her head?” I muse… “Is that going to appear in Primark soon?”. I turn a few more pages, and there’s a woman wearing a sleeveless fur coat. “Hmmm..” I ponder. “That doesn’t look very practical. How might one be freezing cold, yet sleeveless, at the same time?”. I conclude that I will probably never be ‘high fashion’, and contentedly go back to browsing handbags and other paraphernalia on the Topshop website.

So the weekend after, I head to Topshop to see in person the faux leather jacket that caught my eye online. As I make my way up the escalator, out of the corner of my eye, I catch a floral, knee length tunic. “That’s nice”, I think.. “Maybe I can wear it over a pair of jeans..”. Then I also glimpse the sign hanging over the mannequin. “TOPMAN“. Sorry? Huh? Come again? Why would any man want to wear a knee length floral tunic?

But I respect the rights of modern man to be comfortable enough in his sexuality that he can admit a love for flowers. God made flowers. If you like flowers, good for you. Pick flowers. Make a centrepiece in your living room out of tulips. Buy me a dozen red roses. Use floral scented toilet spray. Have a lily as the background for your iPhone. All these things, I’m cool with.

Personally though, I will not be dating anyone who wears a knee length floral tunic. Or applies man make up. Or threads his eyebrow. Or spends longer in the mirror than I do (and I consider myself to be medium maintenance). “I don’t mind high maintenance men, as long as they look good”, said no normal woman, ever. And if you say that, you’re abnormal. Which is fine. Be your unique self.

It’s not that I like a scruffy man – there’s no need for foul body odour, plaque build up, or unironed non-skinny jeans (because I have issues with men in skinny jeans. Straight legged, no skinny please..) but I don’t want to date a male version of me. I’m attracted to the masculinity in men. That doesn’t mean I need a stereotypically ‘macho’ man – I think the idea of men having to be rough, beer guzzling, sports lovers  is burdensome for both sexes. If you want to do that it’s fine, but if you hate football and prefer reading, that’s cool too. Reading, baking, having more than one emotion -these things aren’t feminine.

But women’s clothes are feminine. Dresses are for girls.  I know in our modern world, that’s apparently politically incorrect, but I’m not intending to date drag queens or self identified transexuals.  Therefore, as a heterosexual woman looking to date heterosexual men, I would just prefer that you dress like one. Obviously, the concept of that changes according to culture and time period. For example, men in days gone by wore high heels. In other parts of the world, men wear long robes.  Scottish men might occasionally don the odd kilt. But we’re in England in 2014, and I’m just going to need you to not wear make up, nail polish, or succumb to this whole gender blurring fashion stuff. I’m uncomfortable kissing you when our skirts are the same length.

Obviously, this is all subjective. All I’m saying is, I know a metrosexual when I see one, and I ain’t attracted to that. I’m not questioning their sexuality. I’m not saying that they shouldn’t have the right to wax their legs. I’m just saying I’M not attracted to that.

(And on a sidenote, I don’t appreciate woman’s fashion that encourages me to dress like a man either. I personally don’t wanna be a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it female. But that’s just me).

(On another side note – being excessively high maintenance isn’t attractive in either gender. Usually it’s a sign of narcissism)

(I went to Wikipedia, which I tend to rely on for all my serious research projects for a definition of metrosexuality, because maybe I was getting the wrong end of the stick… “Metrosexual is a portmanteau, derived from metropolitan and heterosexual, coined in 1994 describing a man (especially one living in an urban, post-industrial, capitalist culture) who is especially meticulous about his grooming and appearance, typically spending a significant amount of time and money on shopping as part of this.[1] The neologistic term is popularly thought to describe heterosexual men who adopt fashions and lifestyles stereotypically associated with homosexuals, although, by definition given by the originator (see below), a metrosexual “might be officially gay, straight or bisexual”.”)

Erm. Thanks, but no thanks.

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