I kinda feel sorry for pretty girls…sometimes…

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Let’s start this off with a meaningful quote.

“All eyes on me when I walk in
No question that this girl’s a 10
Don’t hate me ’cause I’m beautiful
Don’t hate me ’cause I’m beautiful” – Keri Hilson

Recently I had a conversation with a guy, and we ended up for some strange reason talking about the Great British Bake Off. I think I’ve watched it once or twice, but it’s not something i follow at all, even though it’s probably the type of show I could potentially get interested in.  The focus of the conversation veered from cupcakes and icing into talking about the various contestants. I was aware that one of the contestants, Ruby, was the focus of a lot of negative attention; described as whiny, unnecessarily self deprecating, and riding on the wave of her ‘prettiness’ and the fact that one of the male judges wanted to ‘bang’ her. I’m not sure about any of the accusations, and frankly, I don’t care to investigate the judging discrepancies of a muffin show (or any other TV cooking show before someone accuses me of being internally sexist), but I was interested in some of the commentary that said Ruby’s looks were one of the reasons she was subjected to so much vitriol. Now personally, I agree with judge Paul Hollywood that Kimberley (another contestant) is actually prettier, but regardless, ex-model Ruby was singled out as the hot chick of the show (and I could go off topic about why that might be, but we’ll save that for another post).

It’s indisputable there are massive benefits to being pretty. And I’m not talking girl pretty – we all think our female friends are pretty and we meet each other in gaggles in the toilet practically in seizures about how amaaazziiiing each others hair is, but let’s face it, there’s friend pretty and there’s ‘pretty girl’ pretty.

Pretty girls definitely cannot complain that they’ve drawn the short straw in life. Pretty girls can get speeding tickets erased  with the batting of a well mascara’d eye. Pretty girls can get to the second stage of job interviews over the not so pretty chick with the same qualifications. Pretty girls make better gold diggers. Pretty girls get to read Sky news. Pretty girls get chased after in the playground age 6 while their not so pretty friend is left standing under a tree, or running only to find that no one is actually chasing her. Research shows that being being more conventionally attractive makes you more likely to be successful.We know all this is somewhat true, and I suppose in a way, it sucks. In my opinion, no more than it sucks that people who are naturally intelligent don’t have to work as hard – it is what it is.

On the flip side though, pretty girls don’t always have it great all the time. It’s easy to look at them and sarcastically say..”Sure, life must be really hard when everyone thinks you’re drop dead gorgeous…*rolls eyes*”, but I think *puts on Oprah voice*  there’s something deeper.

A while ago I was chatting to my brother, and he said that some of his female friends who are the most attractive are the most deeply insecure. I was whining my usual whine that men are superficial plebs with as much depth as Peter Andre album, and that I know so many great women who appear to get passed over because they don’t fit into a particular standard of beauty, when he noted that the grass isn’t always greener. Pretty girls have issues too. They know that a lot of the men who appear to be interested in them, see them as trophies. They worry that their personality is overlooked by men who care more about their outer than inner beauty. They’re concerned that other women make negative assumptions about them based on the fact that they get so much male attention. Let’s be honest, women are socialised to put so much stock in appearance that some of us can be pretty insecure and hateful when we feel that another woman has a bit more luck in that area.  Although some would disagree with this (“Everyone likes pretty people -– especially if the good-looking person in question happens to also be a good person. Think about it, who did everyone want to be friends with in grade school: the pretty girl…if you’re having a hard time connecting with women, it’s probably not your looks. It’s probably because you suck” from xojane.com).   Sometimes people are surprised when pretty girls are intelligent, and question that they’ve actually earned their success as opposed to having boob-flashed and hair-flicked their way up the corporate ladder.

Now, in the grand scheme of things, these appear to be minor problems, and I’m not denying that the societal privileges that come with being pretty probably far outweigh any of the insecurities someone might have as a result of said prettiness. But in an age where there appears to be an increasing acceptance on taking more drastic measures to modify ourselves to become ‘flawless’ (yes Beyonce, I see you), it’s interesting to note that prettier does not necessarily= happier….

What do you guys think? Pretty girls, anyone willing to admit some of the downsides to being pretty?Or are the girls who complain about this just category A Whiners? And don’t be scared of calling yourself pretty by the way – I won’t judge you for it. Not that routine arrogance is ever recommended, but everyone has their strengths (if you want to call it a strength).

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4 Comments

  1. Miss shy pretty
    January 13, 2014 / 12:33 am

    Hmm I enjoyed reading this for the male perspective. It’s true pretty girls don’t have it easy sometimes dealing with all the male attention makes you think all men look at you a certain way and it’s difficult to prove to women who won’t see beyond that exterior that you are just human too. But I think most people are cool once they know you. And yes I suppose every female has some insecurities but people tend to assume ‘pretty girls’ according to the worlds standards of beauty do not have anymore worries when it’s the opposite. Sometimes I think pretty girls accidentally get used to all the positives that come with being a pretty girl- people want to be around you, they want to be your friend, they want to buy your drinks and take you on free holidays and even go as far as believing in you…and you’re like ‘for what? :s ‘ really confused but get used to it…accidentally, then one day you meet a certain group of people who are not asking for your number or seeking your friendship and you actually have to make an effort and you think- what if this is not enough? What if I am not enough? And I think that is the biggest worry of a pretty girl. The fear/realisation that pretty can only take them so far…and the search for substance constant internal battle to weigh up your achievements by anything other than ‘pretty genes’ Nowadays everyone can be a ‘pretty girl’ I implore every girl try it and see for themselves that it’s all the same poo really, just different toilets. Thanks Shade, I hope we get to explore pretty boys next time! 🙂

    • January 13, 2014 / 8:36 pm

      Hi Miiss shy lol. Yes, I think ultimately pretty girls have to deal with the ‘maybe pretty isn’t enough’ fear, and I can see how that could be very difficult in terms of constantly questioning whether people want you above a superficial attraction. I think all girls have this fear to an extent – i.e. I always wonder..what if my personality/intelligence isn’t enough and he finds someone prettier? Insecurity can be so crippling…haha pretty boys next time. Maybe I’ll get someone to do a guest post?

  2. Debra
    January 13, 2014 / 11:27 am

    Hiya, thanks for sharing your views, I’ve found them very interesting.
    This is a topic I am passionate about as I believe our definition of beauty in Western society is a very twisted and deep subject.

    On a personal level, I’m not bad looking and most would call me pretty, though of course beauty is in the eye of the beholder and many have called me not-so-pretty also. Which is perfectly fine and fair.
    I feel I can contribute to this as I have been penalised for my outer appearance on many occasions.

    Firstly, a girl I used to be very close to once told me why she always seemed to have something negative to say to me. She said, she knows how much everyone else “gasses” my head up (gives me a big head about how pretty they think I am) so as my friend she feels she needs to be the one to always tell me I’m not all that. She said it was to keep me level headed. To be very honest I didn’t buy it then and I still don’t buy it now. I now know that girl is highly insecure and while she was tearing me down at every corner I was always trying to build her confidence up about her appearance. It’s not that outer appearance matters that much it’s just that it shouldn’t impact your personality because of insecurities. Little did she know as many others don’t know, I rarely ever get “gassed” up by other people.
    Everyone assumes that “pretty” people are walking around all day being drenched in pools of compliments from one person to the next. It really isn’t true.
    If someone is classed as very good looking most people don’t even want to talk to you let alone raise the topic of your looks.
    Thus, while this “friend” was bashing me down as much as she could, I in fact wasn’t receiving any outside positivity to balance it out. It was a friendship I am now pleased to be free from.

    On the topic of people not talking to pretty people; I have no friends.
    At 21 I still struggle making friends and up to last night my boyfriend was telling me I have no friends. He tells me all the time how he felt when we first met and before we started talking. He says I seemed unapproachable and stuck up, not that I ever gave him a reason to feel that way, it was just implied from my outward appearance. He felt I wouldn’t talk back if he talked to me. I seemed quiet and not interested in interacting with others. Of course we are now very happy together and he sees me for my character, which is wholly opposite to his first thoughts.
    This is sad though, because I was always wondering why no one ever wanted to talk to me. Or why people would instantly dislike me before even knowing my name.
    My best friend in college at 16 told me when she first saw me within the first week she told everyone I was a bitch. She never even knew my name. All the girls hated me which left me no choice but to make friends with the guys. Of course this didn’t help my case and I was quickly cast as the girl always with man and always getting the male attention.
    Eventually my friend was forced to be in a group with me and after giving me a chance to be more than my appearance, we were inseparable.
    That’s what I wish for now, a chance.
    I’m not insecure, I’m not depressed because the only friends I really have are family or my boyfriend and his family. But I would love some equality in social situations.

    I know that not all pretty people are nice and sometimes the stereotype is spot on. This can be said for all things. But here’s some points to keep in mind:
    1. Please don’t assume that a pretty person knows they’re pretty and people are telling them 24/7. (Not that you should tell them, just treat them equal)

    2. People are so much more than their face and body. Give them a chane to prove it, you could be missing out on something great.

    3. Judge someone for their actions and words, not their face and body before you even know their first name.

    4. Pretty people work hard too. More often than not they’re given a harder time by senior members in education or work because people think they have to prove a point to prettier people that they can’t skate by on their looks. Life is not like the movies, people don’t tend to like a person prettier than themselves.

    Hope you find interest in my personal views and experiences. Thanks again for raising the topic.

    Debra x

    • January 13, 2014 / 8:33 pm

      Wow, this was really touching, I’m sorry you’ve had such negative experiences. People can be so horrible sometimes, it’s easy to walk though life and not place ourselves in someone else’s shoes. Your friend who said she wanted to ‘keep you down to earth’ was just using it as an excuse to be horrid, that’s so toxic! I hadn’t really thought about the idea that pretty people don’t necessarily have others telling them they’re pretty all the time, you just assume they do even if that’s not necessarily the case.I totally empathise with people thinking you’re ‘stush’, I think sometimes people confuse shyness with being stush until you get to know the person…I hope you find some positive people to surround yourself with.
      Thanks for sharing Debra 🙂

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