Christian men have unrealistic expectations of women. And I find it hilarious.

My friend posted a blog entitled 7 ways Christian women go wrong regarding relationships. It was kinda interesting, and it got me thinking. We always hear about the ratio of men to women in the church, and how the numbers are low yadda yadda.  I’m not intending to blog about the reasons why, or give tips on how we can manage to smuggle in some unsuspecting males into our congregations. Neither am I going to give you tips on how to manage your singleness. I suggest you rent a Tyler Perry film, and click your heels together really fast like Dorothy in an attempt to transport yourself to your ideal life. Sorry, no further advice. (Guys, I’m joking, singleness is not a curse)

No seriously, my main problem with this apparent man shortage isn’t so much that they aren’t around (although obviously that is worrying), it’s that the ones who are left often have egos bigger than the Biblical canon. Now this would be understandable if these men were Denzel Washington lookalikes, with the brains of Stephen Hawkings, the athletic prowess of Usain Bolt, and the spiritual fortitude of Moses… but no,no, not really. The majority of the men I encounter in church are fairly decent individuals. Polite, relatively hardworking, kind to their Mothers (sometimes a little too attached, but that’s another post), can hold a conversation without eliciting sleep, not bad looking – all round good eggs. The kind of men that you don’t daydream about, but you might end up marrying. Cos you realise that they aren’t Prince Charming but then, neither are you a Princess – you’re just two average folk trying to make it through life, right? Wrong. Because some of these church men are as arrogant as Boris Johnson on a good day.

Why arrogant Shade,  you ask? Because I’ve heard shocking stories (thankfully haven’t experienced it), of men playing several different women off each other because they KNOW they have options. Because the sheer length of what they require from a woman is frankly, ridiculous in relation to their own relative mediocrity. Now, on initial meeting, these men may appear humble. “Praise God”, they say, “Not I but Christ”..all that good stuff. Then the topic of relationships comes up..and the everlasting to everlasting list begins.

His future wife must be:

1)Super spiritual (but mate, wasn’t that you at the club on Saturday night?)

2) Exceedingly good looking (now with all due respect, but…really? Should men who are 5’s be reaching for 10’s?)

3)Have chef like cooking abilities. (Says he with the assorted Pot Noodle collection in his cupboard)

4)Have effortlessly long natural hair.. ( many pots of Dax do you go through weekly to get your ‘waves’?)

5) Be intelligent, well read and able to hold an intellectual conversation. (Yet you spend the majority of your free time playing Grand Theft Auto )

6)Be a Virgin/ or have a looowww number of previous sexual experiences. (LOL. That’s all I’m going to say to that one. LOL)

7) Wear no makeup (Erm..wasn’t that you banging on about how Gabrielle Union or Kim Kardashian are the hottest things going? You DO realise they wear a full face of makeup for every public appearance right?)

I could go on and on. So this post is tongue in cheek, and I’m sure there are lots of super nice Christian guys who aren’t like this. I know some of them personally. Something I always say to myself though, is that I am to never ask of someone else what I do not require of myself. It’s just downright cheeky to expect the opposite sex to exhibit this list of qualities when you fall faar below that list in your own day to day life.Women are guilty of unrealistic expectations too. I might fantasise about an amazingly handsome man with no character flaws to sweep me off my feet, but then I realise that I am not physically flawless, and neither do I have a flawless personality or character. Only God is perfect. And he knows exactly who to put me with so that we can walk this journey with.

Humility isn’t being unnecessarily self deprecating. It’s realising your strengths and your weaknesses and being realistic abut them with the knowledge that God is the giver of your intelligence, good looks, musical talent, whatever. Seek to marry your equal not your daydream.

Peace guys x


  1. March 10, 2014 / 3:56 pm

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  2. Brainard.
    September 7, 2014 / 8:35 am

    This has got to be one of the least Christian articles I have ever read. Your grasp of the ‘World’ is remarkable but not as remarkable as your shameless attempt to infect a church with it. 5’s reaching for 10’s? Is this church or a sitcom? Who decides who achieves these numbers? I can guarantee you it’s not the men.

    Perhaps these men are looking for qualities that the women in the congregation do not possess? Perhaps they prefer wholesome Christian women to ‘Rachets’. Could that be it? Yes? No? Maybe so?

    Perhaps your 10’s should look in the mirror to discover why these church men won’t date them

    • September 7, 2014 / 9:08 am

      Wow,I’m sorry if you feel this article is ‘wordly’. It was intended to be kinda humorous actually so please take it with a pinch of salt. I don’t make sny apologies for the “5’s reaching for 10’s comment”. It’s simply saying that a lot of Christian men are superficial and arrogant because they know the numbers of single women in church give them the upper hand.Why are you an averagely good looking man excluding averagely good looking woman and only dating supermodel type women? Therefore men who don ‘t have their spiritual life, career, or emotional maturity together feel that they still are entitled to be with women who do have these things. I don’t see what’s ‘worldly’ about stating that…Blessings anyway x

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