fat woman

So I’m on annual leave at the moment and despite all my grand plans to be super productive, this blog post is probably the most productive thing that has materialised in my life since Sunday. I plan to change all that tomorrow.  She says.

Anyway, because today was also hair washing day aka spend 4 hours or so detangling, washing, deep treating and generally luxuriating in my afro, I passed my detangling time watching Youtube. What started out as a fairly high brow sojourn through a nature documentary on wild hogs in Texas (they’re really big and their tusks are razor sharp, and they’re kinda speedy for pigs, and they’re apparently descended from some bigger hogs that existed a while back), ended up watching a show called Big Women, Big Love.  I’m generally opposed to trash reality shows but I’m also a sucker for anything that give a bit of insight into the human condition. (Throw me a bone, at least I tried to make it sound deep).

Big Women, Big Love as you can probably gather from the cringe worthy title, is about a group of plus size women and their travels in the world of romance. The show follows the women as they try to find love and overcome their insecurities, and it makes for an interesting journey. View Post

“Good morning…say, it looks to me like you had sex last night?”

“Sure did!”

“Looks like you’re living your best life!”.

This is an excerpt from a video that has gone viral recently featuring entertainer Amber Rose. Titled “Walk of No Shame”, the sketch shows Rose leaving a man’s house after the ‘morning after’, and the positive response from people she meets on her way home. Dressed in a form fitting, cleavage enhancing dress, she skips merrily along unashamed of the fact that she has had sex with a man who we find later on in the video, she has no intention of contacting again (he runs after her stating that she forgot to leave her humber, she coolly  replies that she didn’t forget).

Comments on the video ranged from the predictable (She just a nasty slut…that’s why Kanye don’t wantchu Ambeeerr!) to the very predictable (omg this is so empowering, like, I totally am like, HERE for this  intersectional discourse of post feminist non-body shaming ambulatory experience.. go Amber!). View Post

I didn’t grow up being the ‘pretty girl’. My awkward phase lasted quite well into my late/teens early 20’s, and when I did finally throw off the shackles of thick rimmed glasses and badly done natural hair, and stepped into the glorious freedom of decent skin, contacts and natural hair youtube, it took me a while to get used to the compliments. I still don’t think of ‘pretty’ as one of my primary identifiers, even when I get random people approaching me at to compliment me. I’m actually quite thankful that I didn’t think of myself as attractive as a teenager –  it meant that I always relied on my wit, smarts and generally trying to be a good person as my main selling point.

In fact, as I’ve grown into my looks, I’ve actually developed a weirder complex – I’m scared that being pretty and well dressed will mean that people will assume I’m not as intelligent. At work, I get uncomfortable when  my consultant calls me the ‘pretty junior doctor’ – not because I don’t want to be seen as pretty, but because I’m worried that if I don’t work hard enough it will translate as ‘ditzy and superficial’. View Post

sex ed

I read an article earlier today by Peter Tatchell with a blueprint for sex education in schools. It’s what you would expect from Peter Tatchell i.e. , an extremely liberal approach.  While I agree with him that sex education should be taught in schools and that it is extremely important in safeguarding young people against abuse, as I read the article I became very uncomfortable with some of his proposals.

I should start off by saying that personally, I will teach my children about sex (in an age appropriate way) as early as possible. I want my kids to grow up understanding that sex is good, normal, natural and safe in the right context at the right time. I want them to be comfortable with their bodies and their right to say no to anyone – be that relative, friend or potential partner who approaches their bodies in a way they don’t feel comfortable with. I want them to grow up to be confident in their own moral choices, but to also be respectful of other people who don’t share their belief system and make different moral choices than they do. I want them to be able to respectfully articulate the choices they have made in regards to their sexual behaviour. View Post

side eye

1)It’s more expensive than you ever imagined.

If I knew being an adult was going to be this expensive I would have married a rich Nigerian man before my 18th birthday. If that failed I would have take my 21st birthday trip to Dubai, sat in a hotel foyer, and nursed a non-alcoholic cocktail in a fabulous weave until a rich Arab businessman was so enamoured with my silent splendour, that he would offer to fund me for the rest of my life with no obligation on my part. Seeing as none of this is attainable right now, I must be content to sit in a cold flat somewhere in the Midlands and plot a better escape plan.

2)You might never ‘feel’ like a grown up.

There are times that I panic in situations, searching for the nearest adult, only for it to dawn on me that I AM the nearest responsible adult. This especially happens around children. View Post